APOSTOLIC FLY GIRL ©2018

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Silent No More Series: "No Means No"

April 6, 2018

 

 

I swear I couldn’t stop you

 

No matter how hard I tried

Hit me? Sure

Choke me? Okay

Slap me? Alright

Do anything to me but this, please just don’t do this.

You got angry with me when I said no the first time.

You listened, you heard me the first time.

So I knew for a fact you weren’t deaf

I knew you could hear my screams

But something about the second time,

The second time still brings fire to my veins and knots to my stomach.

You kissed me but I didn’t push away.

I wanted you to feel like it was a reward.

Something you earn or something you work for.

But when I tried to get up, you held me down.

Hands under the pillow, legs spread with your pelvis in between.

I don’t want to kiss you anymore.

I turned my head.

Those same kisses grew harder and harder. 

Your grip became stronger and stronger.

Your body became heavier.

No, No, No.”

“Get off of me. Just get off”

I’m not loud enough, you’ve got your tongue down my throat.

No,No,No.”

You’re trying to press your weight on me, I just wanna close my legs.

I can feel you through my clothes.

No,No,No.”

I even bite your face, thinking that’d stop you.

But you don’t quit you keep on going.

Now I’m panicking, and now I’m shaking.

Where is your soul? I can’t see the soul in your eyes anymore. It’s gone.

Another person has taken over.

It’s not the same person I walked in the door with.

Then you get up, so this is my chance to run.

I try to get up but you pull my legs back down to you.

“Turn over”

No! I don’t want to do this.”

You flip me over anyways and press my head towards the bed.

I hear you unzip your pants.

I can’t feel the ground beneath me.

I just need to get stable, just let me get up.

I’m moving to much so you pin my arms down behind me.

I’m squirming like a dog, struggling beneath you.

“Stay still or ima hurt you.”

Your grip gets tighter.

You pull down my leggings, you tear my underwear off.

I can feel my underwear between my legs.

No, No, No.”

your holding my arms down with one hand and gripping my waist with the other.

No, No, No.”

and then I can’t make a sound because my face is buried in the pillow.

I know what’s about to happen, against my will.

You put it in, “Finally,” you say.

And like a nasty horny dog you start with fast and pounding motion.

Heavy breathing, huffing and puffing.

No,Please, Just don’t.” Is all I can think my head.

I’m really trying my hardest to breathe. Because the anxiety that kicks in makes it hard for me to even remember how to inhale or exhale.

“&$%#.” you’re having a hard time finishing.

Quick thrusts.

I don’t wanna look behind me.

No,No,No.”

can you just stop please, I’m begging please.

Silently begging in this pillow with my tears please stop.

Stupid! STUPID! How could you get into this mess?

What time is it? I just want to go home.

Then my mind checks out.

And you’re there, inside of me.

Making unwanted connections that I never asked for.

On top of me.

Fresh tears and numb emotions all caused by fear.

You’re pounding so hard the bed is shaking.

But now you’re about to come, one thrust, You’re almost done, another hard thrust, You’re getting ready to and finally you thrusts so hard that my stomach hurts.

You ejaculate on my back and get up for the washroom.

I pick up my shredded underwear and get under the covers and cry.

I should’ve fought harder,

I should’ve pushed more

How could have had been so stupid I was staring right at the door.

What just happened?

Did you really take advantage of me or is this just a Dream?

I could’ve said stop, but instead I just said No.

but No means no, after all.

 

-B. Alexandria

 

Your No Means No

If you or someone you know has been a victim of rape or sexual assault here are some helpful resources-

 

https://www.rainn.org/

www.d2l.org

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

https://www.nsvrc.org/

 

 

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